A few weekends ago, I stared down an enemy; a pile of mulch that had been delivered and dumped on my driveway.
The pile was less than the size of a small vehicle, but it looked like Mount Everest to me. It represented a weekend of weeding, encountering bugs, being unsure of whether I was destroying weeds or plants, shovelling the mulch into a wheelbarrow, spreading the mulch and pretty much hating every minute of it.
When I finished up my day’s work, I immediately hopped on to Facebook and updated my status:
Gardening is bullsh*t.
Many of my friends agreed. They shared their own disdain for gardening. However, there were a few lone voices that piped up: Really, I love it! It’s so therapeutic! It’s amazing to watch things bloom.
While I still have not connected with my inner gardener, this online exchange reminded me of something; there is no one-size-fits-all recipe for self-care. What one finds relaxing and enjoyable, another finds torturous.
This is why it’s so important to assess whether your own “self-care” is truly self-care or something that has been defined as self-care by others. While activities like manicures, the spa, and yoga have long been touted as self-care activities, they are not the be-all and end-all (nor are they a good fit for everyone).
One question to ask yourself to determine if something is self-care is;
Is this giving to me or taking from me?
Is it giving you enjoyment, energy, relaxation, improving your quality of life? Or is it taking time, money that you’d rather not spend, energy, and increasing your stress?
Sometimes self-care may not even be an activity. It may be the absence of an activity. It may be choosing to opt out of an event that drains you of energy. It may even be opting out of a relationship.
Sometimes self-care can be hard in the moment. It may be choosing to go to a fitness class rather than slumping down on your couch for the evening. However, on some occasions, quality time with your couch may be just the self-care that you need.
Many of us struggle with engaging in self-care because we have a very narrow definition of self-care. However, if we assessed what we were getting out of the activity, we may be surprised.
While gardening is not my thing, I do have an activity that many would not classify as self-care. I find painting (walls, not art!) to be self-care. While I don’t love the prepping, taping and patching the walls, I love the actual painting process.
I love opening up the paint can and pouring that first bit of paint into the tray. I love that first stroke of paint and seeing the transformation begin. I love listening to a favourite podcast as I paint. I love finishing that first coat and knowing that I’m halfway to a totally different look for a room.
What are some activities that you already do that could be defined as self-care? Maybe you enjoy grocery shopping and find it soothing going up and down the aisles? Maybe folding laundry gives you a sense of peace when everything else feels chaotic? Maybe putting together a piece of furniture gives you a bit of a thrill?
By connecting to the enjoyment of things we already do, we can transform the mundane into radical activities of self-care.