Have you ever known a couple that seems on the brink of divorce and then they announce that they are buying a new house?
Have you decided that once you renovate your kitchen, you will feel less overwhelmed in your life because you'll finally have enough storage space?
Or maybe booked a vacation so that you have something to look forward to and keep you from having a meltdown right now?
Sometimes, changing external circumstances feels like a good approach to changing how you feel. If you are stressed and worried, it feels like a problem that needs to be solved and you start going through a mental checklist of things that can be changed or altered.
This strategy may even work. You look around at your gleaming new granite counter tops, big pot drawers and even maybe one of those fancy taps by the stove specifically for filling pots! It feels so fresh, clean and organized. The solution to all of your problems!
Until two weeks later, when the new kitchen shine has been thoroughly scrubbed off, the cupboards feel disorganized already, the counters are sticky and you still feel overwhelmed.
Maybe it's time to renovate the master bath?!?!
Stop.
While there is nothing wrong with changing your external environment, you need to assess what your expectations are of the changes and whether these are realistic.
A new kitchen may make cooking easier, but it won't address feelings of anxiety, low self-worth or distance in your relationship.
A vacation may give you a break from the daily routine, but won't address the fact that you hate your job and still don't know what you want to do with your life.
A new house may feel like a fresh start, but won't fix the disconnect that you feel in your marriage.
Sometimes, the things that need to be changed are internal; the way you think about things, interpret things or the way you behave. Sometimes there are things that need to be accepted rather than fought with.
While there is nothing wrong with changing our external circumstances, that is no substitute for addressing our internal world.